Feeling in the middle

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh today’s post it’s all about feeling in the middle by filling in the middle I mean the days when you just feel normal but is it really normal or is it just because you’re numb from my medication . It’s kind of like the feeling of pre hyper me . For so long every day has been such a struggle for example there’s not a day that I don’t wake up when my hands are hurting not necessarily hurting with pain but it’s kind of like and aching singing sort of feeling awesome my hip does this same thing and everytime I go I have a gas can I have a X-Ray and it always comes back yeah we see there’s a little bit of damage now but it’s not enough to be able to be causing you these problems like sometimes my whole left leg I have pins and needles in my whole left leg and I can’t get rid of it and then that’s my skin if I shower too much I get spots under spots open and then itchy some days I don’t understand how I actually get out of bed it is more than likely because of my daughter and in the end when my son was younger with him as well I just finished a course of mindfulness training it started to help it was 4 weeks of 2 hours lessons then the week after the lessons finished I ended up missing my my Poh appointment because also I felt a little bit let down because she’s going to a new job I know it’s not her fault so don’t mind what the hell it’s better because she’s never home at least on the course I met my new p0 h and she’s lovely girl probably 10 years younger than me but the her explanation of the things was very helpful in general things are becoming more settled my daughter goes to school 5 days a week 2 days a week I help in her class one day a week I helping the school library on the Thursday we’re always busy because she has her rhythmic gym and I also have to go to the food bank which is amazing it’s a lifesaver I’ve been using it a little over two years and when you don’t have enough money to come around every month like to pay everything it’s perfect because you get fresh veg fresh fruit they look a little bit ugly Sometimes A Little Bit beating on bended but they just stille good I’m actually writing this post with voice to text and I just looked at my screen and realise how many typos and mistakes there are and have to go through and edit it but at least then I’ve made the written the book of what I wanted to say have to remember life has its ups and downs and it truly is the way that you go about those ups and downs for example in my mindfulness training we will learning to realise that people or things can’t give you feelings it’s your thoughts that give you the feelings mindfulness helps you control your thoughts by doing little exercises to take the Focus somewhere else this exercise is a simple one for example you can get a little box of raisins and eat raisins you look at you before you put it in your mouth you look at it you say for it and then you put it in your mouth and you too very slowly and imagining and feeling exactly how it feels in your mouth the taste and then you do it again and you keep on continuing this process until you’ve got the knack and then later on you can replace the raisins with something else we also learnt how to do a time jump and that kind of consists of whatever you’re just about to go and face you then jump further in the tide in in the time in your mind and imagine how it’s going to be when it’s already over this does help although I found from myself it didn’t call me totally I suppose could some people the elastic band trick is good for those moments when you begin to peak of you stress before it all starts to blow up at least on the course i met my new p 0 h and she’s lovely girl probably 10 years younger than me but the hair exclamation things was very helpful in general things at the coming more settled my door supposed to school 5 days a week 2 days a week i help is her class 1 day a week i help been the school library on the thursday were always busy because she has her rhythmic gym and i also have to go to the food bank which is amazing it’s a lifesaver a been using it a little over to years and then you don’t have enough money to come around every month . I suppose even this post doesn’t really make any sense that I just been to read back what I’ve spoken about obviously cuz I’m speaking and not typing but I suppose what I really wanted to say is at the moment it’s kind of in the middle for me like I’m in the middle of the fence there’s no two ways about how I feel but that’s mostly to do my think with the fact that I am now taking my medication everyday on time and I’ve got a schedule and and then also I’m feeling now I have my own house and my daughter is living with me I’m feeling a little less stressed from that sort of point of view very enthusiastic about helping out school because the kids in the class of Ruby you’re really nice and sweet I just need to take my time but not too long because people get annoyed if you take too long to do things in a few weeks I will call the p0 and arrange an appointment with her my first appointment then with the new one and I’ll continue to try and do my mindfulness although I feel sometimes that’s really difficult at least when I was on the course I was concentrating on actively doing it and now I’m kind of like all the course isn’t there so it’s not that I don’t have to do it I would like to do it as just tired tired of being sick and tired me and my ex have been a partner of 6 years the kind of sort of a dirty probably more to me but the kind of relationship that we have better now than it was then but this middle thing is really bothering me because I don’t actually have any feelings and sometimes it’s good but at the moment P I don’t think I will or at least it feels that I will give up it’s bad to blame things in the past but that’s mostly what plays in my mind I try and concentrate on the fact that life isn’t bad and I know I just wish it could be a little bit easier sometimes I mean according to my ex I’m alone because I made it this way but the 8 times in 10 months he threatened to leave me the last time had already sent me on the train of thought that I was there not happy with what was going on because if this guy is going to come home every day and tell me he’s going to leave me and make me emotionally unstable and he’s not for me I really wanted to get married to him and spend the rest of my life with him but it didn’t work out that way because inevitably wants it started going bad it just carried on going bad he’s never never physically abused me but he was always very horrible and very harsh with his words to the point that sometimes my son experience there but now we’re not together and everything settle down we can talk to each other maybe not personal issues but over the children of the weather awful things that happen in England as we both don’t live there anymore I was really weird when I’m doing the voice to text because it’s like I’m talking to somebody but I’m no I’m actually talking to myself will I am love talking to you guys 04 of my followers on that note my little wobble is over may I wish you a lovely day thanks for reading thanks for taking the time to come by my page and all that’s left to say is met the peace mercy and blessings of God be upon you all assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh

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